Well, if you're here and reading this you know that we have a new site. Our old host, who quite honestly never should have been our host which was pure laziness on my part, decided that after 18+ months of posts, (written, images, and videos) that an AI video I posted, which will be in the gallery shortly, was somehow "sexually stimulating" - for those who choose not to view, the video was what is called a "hallucination", the AI instead of doing what its instructed, just kind of freaks out. What was initially a video of me sitting outside on my laptop, resulted in arms coming out of nowhere, my penis vanishing like it owed whoever was attached to those giant arms money, and me getting more or less balled up and thrown into a forest of sorts.

Nothing at all sexual about it.

I'm not contesting it, outside of my initial appeal, because well, I always needed to move to my own hosting/design/etc and not have to worry about that. They obviously allowed non-sexual nudity, which all of my content is, and is kind of my only rule, but it was just a hassle I could see coming later on. I still haven't got access back to get the blog posts, and such, and that one stings.

That whole first year was a rough one, and really the basis for the whole site. If I don't regain access, I'll do my best to summarize the events to the best of my knowledge. There's a lot of stuff I really don't even want to revisit because of how I was mentally at the time, but maybe I should, to see where I'm at now discussing it.

Life Updates

As far as life goes, it's still going. I had mentioned that I felt I was kind of feeling stalled out. I have been emotionally around the same place for quite some time. Which is wayyyy better than I was, but still not good. I hate to say it because it usually is total bullshit when people do, but "I'm ok", I have my days like everybody does, and that's how it has been… very going thru the motions.

I am however, totally freaking out over my decision to go home to Florida for a week in May, mostly for a concert, and depending on the anxiety, maybe some visiting with friends I haven't seen in a long time. Here's my concerns…

Well, here's my non-concern first, I'll be with a person I've known my whole life, and that I trust, care about, and who I'm sure I've annoyed the hell out of the last few years. I haven't went and hung out with anybody that wasn't family, except for a lunch here and there, since 2018. I don't see that being a problem.

I do think I will get my own hotel for the days prior to the concert, I know that she wouldn't have an issue if I got overly anxious and had to strip down, but as she has other people that live with her, It's probably best that I get my own spot. However, my main concern is the concert, which is several days long, in Florida, in the hottest time of the year, on blacktop, and averages 50,000 people per day…

I would worry about this without everything else, because I haven't been to a big show like that in years, I'm not in my 20s, and physically, I'm too old for this shit, especially on those days where I have very little interest in the bands playing, but now add in my social anxiety, and not really any place to hide if I need to calm down… I'm totally terrified.

But I committed to it, I want to go because I want to see a familiar face, I need a hug, I've been so isolated for nearly 2 years, and for what I take as a good sign, I'm starting to feel lonely, and I'm missing connections with people… I have no desire to open up applications for new friends, but people I trust. It's long overdue. It'll be fine, I'd love some time before hand with my friend so I can just get used to talking to someone face to face again, I might have to annoy her about that.

Site Updates

Besides that, I hope everybody digs the new site. We have an AI chat now that if you need to talk to someone, it's there. While this AI has no issues with nudity, don't be that person that tries to cyber with it. It's not going to happen. I run, design, and handle every bit of this site. Everything is secure, but seriously I set this up, spent the time training the AI, I pay for everything myself, and if its abused I'll shut it down. Also, direct chat with me will be up soon also if you just want to shoot the shit.

Keep checking back for updates on restoration of old posts and stuff, and I'm still getting all of this up and running, so forgive any bugs, I'm working on it.

Let's do a stream soon…

Later,
-Jake